Being a single mother is no easy feat, but being a single mother, a person of colour, teaching cooking lessons, supporting the community, acting, singing, writing and going to school, adds an entirely new layer of complexity. My days are long and filled with responsibilities that often leave me feeling stretched thin. Yet, I find solace in my passion for cooking and the joy it brings to others.
The morning: Balancing Motherhood and Education
My day begins early, before the sun has even risen. I prepare breakfast and school lunch for my three children, ensuring they have everything they need for school. After dropping them off, I head straight to culinary school. The rigorous program demands my full attention as we delve into various cooking techniques, from dicing vegetables to mastering complex sauces to learning that learning never ends.
Afternoon: Teaching/Cooking/Community
Once my classes at culinary school conclude, I rush to the community centre where I teach cooking lessons. These sessions are incredibly fulfilling as they allow me to share my love for cooking with others. During one my lessons, I would prepare food for a Welcome Baby program. What a joy to cook, plan and prepare meals and I saw myself leaning towards vegan dishes for them, due to so many dietary concerns and I wanted to do repeat those ideas at home. My kids are meat eaters and I would love to show them that veggies dishes can be full of flavour and ever so good for you. Working with nutritionists, nurses and the community and providing the best food - what a great opportunity to learn how to cook nutritious meals. Seeing their faces light up when you prepare these dishes is worth all the effort.
Evening: Home Responsibilities
After teaching, I return home to fulfill my duties as a mother. Homework needs checking, the day must be listened to, dinner needs preparing, clothes and dishes need washing, the house needs to be straightened up and bedtime stories need reading. By the time my children are asleep, I’m exhausted, but still have assignments from culinary school that require my attention. So I study. I also have trouble sleeping. I start asking myself questions like; Am I being a good mom? Did they get enough to eat today? Does my son have a girlfriend? I hope the baby went to the bathroom before going to bed. Did I sign that permission slip? These are the things that go through my brain at night when I go to sleep.
Ignoring the Signs and Signal : A Wake-Up Call
It was about the third week of the month around 2pm, and I was demonstrating how to properly knead dough during a community class, I felt a sharp pain in my knee. Ignoring it seemed like the best option at the time; after all, there were people depending on me. However, as days turned into weeks, the pain worsened until one day it became unbearable.
A visit to the doctor confirmed that I had damaged meniscus, for those who don't know, the meniscus is a crucial structure in the knee joint, and the reason why you and can bend your knees. This is where the pain was coming from — it was a clear sign that I had been neglecting my self-care in favour of fulfilling my numerous responsibilities. The injury forced me to take a step back from both culinary school and teaching. Because I didn't want to let anyone down. But the most important person I let down was myself.
Have you been forced to stop doing what you love? Elevating your leg, ice, heat, therapy, physio, wrapping it up. Thinking your okay to walk to the door, but you suddenly buckle in pain. Forced to stop everything. Hold on, I think I hear depression knocking at the door.
Reflection: The Importance of Self-Care
As I lay in bed recovering from surgery, I had ample time to reflect on my life choices. Every single one of them. Day to day, hour by hour, minute by minute. It became evident that while my ambition and dedication are commendable traits, they should not come at the expense of one’s health. My damaged leg was more than just an injury; it was a wake-up call urging me to slow down and prioritize self-care.
I realized that by taking better care of myself, I could be more effective in all areas of my life—whether it’s being a teacher, a student, an actor, a singer, or a mother. This period of recovery allowed me to reassess my priorities and make necessary adjustments for a healthier balance.
Moving Forward: A New Approach
Once I am fully recovered, I will return to culinary school with renewed vigour but also with a commitment to self-care. My schedule now includes regular breaks and activities that promote physical well-being. I’ve also incorporated mindfulness practices into my daily routine to manage stress better. From the time I wake up I begin my meditation. I take time for myself before starting the day and throughout the day, instead of ignoring my needs. Take your breaks, that's what its for and learn from me; listen to your body! Your body tells you things in whispers and that's why meditation is good you - be quiet.
I have taken a break from preparing meals for cooking lessons in my community and I am only focused on school. This collaborative approach from me to me ensures that I’m not overburdened while still providing valuable education to myself.
I guess this experience taught me that in a bad experience, there will be good. At the time it wont feel like it, its like a wheel of change. First there's a problem, there is some pain and then begins the healing. This is an invaluable lesson for me about balance and self-care—one that will guide me through future challenges as I continue on this journey of motherhood, education, and community service.
Have a great day.
N
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